Dear FYFFFL,

I tried my best this year and I still failed miserably. And when I wasn’t even trying, I succeeded wildly. This Christmas, I will take a small measure of comfort in knowing I would have stomped any one of you in the playoffs. To quote the great Homer J., “the lesson is, never try”. Put it in your mouth/happy new year.

Love always,

Milky Manchester

Merry Christmas 🎅 🎄! From one of the greatest teams on FYFFFL history

-NYSE.

That's my message for the website, if it's not too late.

Fantasy Football is the most magnificent competition in which a human being can indulge. It brings out all that is best; it removes all that is base. All men are afraid in Fantasy Football. The coward is the one who lets his fear overcome his sense of intuition. Fantasy Football is the essence of manhood.

“I love the winning, I can take the losing, but most of all I Love to play.”

Boris Becker

      Happy Festivus

"I got a lotta problems with you people, and now you're going to hear about it!"

The Kave krickets are back. The insect spray you guys try to use to get rid of me has worn off and despite a goose egg from toney we have still put up the most points in the league. As the playoffs are with in sight I wanna wish all of you a good luck.

You'll need it!!

Wow, good for me. I was personally attacked by my friend and fellow owner Brian. He went with "tua fingers" as an intimidation tactic. I laughed, but part of me cried I don't own Tua. Upon waking up and seeing juju get "tua fingered" I realized I'd repay the favor. I will be going back to tua in the pink, but this win belongs to juju fingers.

I can't be cocky. Like 9 of us are still in the hunt here. Fuck yall let's go. (Frank I want the Jordan and I took that personally meme)

To my dearest FYFFFL,

I come to you today not as a winner, but as a man who has been humiliated, humbled and defeated by this cruelest of statistics-based strategery. Somehow, my feeble last-place excuse for a fantasy football team managed to topple the first place team, but it took a career day from an overdrafted underachiever who plays in a city known only for putting cheese and chili on top of spaghetti. This has given me pause for deep reflection during this time of year when we turn our thoughts towards those of thankfulness, gratitude, and Ocean Spray cranberry sauce.

I am truly grateful that despite being given a large platform this season on which to talk shit, most of you have declined to drag my good name through the mud, or sully the reputation of my wife. I have a great affection for the members of this league, and I love you all dearly. I am blessed to play in a league with a most benevolent commissioner, who has chosen to no longer thrust upon the 2nd place team a ginormous plant which requires constant care, even though some people (namely, Ricky G) wholly deserved to have to care for one. My family was subjected to multiple years of this shit, where the fuck do you get off? Take the damn plant you pieces of shit! I got my name TWO TIMES on that god damned trophy and you better believe I had some good times all over that thing. You want that trophy? You want all the glory that comes with being a winner in the FYFFFL? Then you gotta pay your fuckin’ dues like the bootlicking Trump voter you are if and when you finish in second place, too YOU THINK IM KIDDING This is AMERICA, jacK If you don’t like it, you can GIIIIT OUTT Fuck you you fuckin’ uppity bitches ill fuck you and all your fish-eating lesbian friends in front of your fuckin’ mothers!!!!!! You’re gonna DIE bitch I’M COMING OUT OF THE BOOOOOOOOOOOOOTH ****BRING BACK THE PLANT******* BRING BACK THE PLANT ****** BRING BACK THE PLANT ******

With admiration and gratitude,

The first place in League Pick ‘Em Gowanus Docking Station

No Message Provided At Time Of Publication

“Oh my god we’re back again”

Most point total on the weekend i get married. Thanks for the wedding gift ForestPark Feltchers. I’m still recovering so I’ll keep it short. FYF

Wow, what a week. It’s amazing that I have the most points, considering how much I care about football…I literally fell asleep watching the 1pm games. I would like to thank all my supporters for believing in my fantasy football skills.

Now that I have your attention. I would like to lyk I’m short on funds for my wedding. I know, I know, most of you have not received your invitation. Blame the post office, Covid or as the gun nut conspiracy supervisor I have at work say “ this is Biden America”. But I’d like for you to look deep down inside and think. This man can barley get out of last place. Just think about how bad this wedding is going to be. We should take pity on him and throw a few dollars in the mix. And you may be saying to yourself. What’s in it for me? Well let me tell you.

$25 - Gets you a shout out at the wedding

$50 - A toast in your honor for not being able to attend. (I’ll make some shit up)

$69.69 - Wildcard at my choosing

$100 + - Playing a Nickelback song during the wedding that I will act overly excited to hear and dance to. This pains me very much but my dignity knows no bounds.

The choice is yours but just know. I am as behind on this wedding as i typically am for league dues. And we all know how bad that was. Hell we kicked a guy out for being as bad as me.

To quote a great philosopher “I hope all the bad things in life happens to you and only you

Did I duck it up?

I just want to thank my friends, my family, the team and leagues wonderful commissioner. You all have added to my success.

How could all of you cave crickets allow me to win most points 2 weeks in a row. I barely have anything to Sat since I wrote up my victory 1 week ago.

Just to make sure the league has some continuity I had to change my team name. I want everyone to think hard maybe do some extra studying rather then spending your 3am nights with your cave crickets.

To the 3 teams ahead of me in the standings BE AFRAID I'm coming for you!

First off I want to thank the number 1 commissioner in all of fantasy sports Concussion Protocol. I don't care what all these other chumps say about you. I also want to thank SUSPected Covid + for being shortsighted enough to not take either of my trade offers. I could've been here without either of you.

Secondly I want you all to think hard about how you could let a dead team reeling in last place to take a 5 place jump and a highest point total.

The secret to happiness isn't living in the shadow of the judgment of others, it's finding comfort in the fishbowl of happiness we create for ourselves.

To the guys ahead of me I'm coming for you. Everyone in the new and untouchable fyfffl league have a wonderful self fuck!

OFFICIAL STATEMENT FROM THE WEST NY KANCEL KULTURE KLUB

Let it be known, the following teams have been Kancelled:

1. ForestPark Feltchers
2. Greenpoint 69’ers

For the rest of you losers, you called down the thunder, well now you’ve got it. Take a good look at Greenpoint 69’ers, cause that’s how you’re gonna end up. The rest of the FYFFFL is finished, you understand me? So run you curs. Run and tell all the other curs that Kancel Kulture Klub is coming for them, you tell them that I’m coming, and Stefon Diggs is coming with me, you hear!?

The hitlist:

• 3. Yearly Contribution
• 4. WBallz
• 5. Concussion Protocol
• 6. Gowanus Docking Station
• 7. 3rd and renfrow
• 8. Tua in the pink
• 9. SUSPected Covid +
• 10. Steve Sleeves
• 11. NewYork SackExchange
• 12. ForestPark Feltchers
• 13. Greenpoint 69’ers
• 14. Yearly Contribution

Sincerely,

Ricky G

President of the West NY Kancel Kulture Klub Team Operations

PS- I’d like to take this opportunity to congratulate Seth and Dianne on their engagement. Wishing you both an abundance of happiness on this special day.

PPS- Sorry to Seth about the timing of our matchup being this week, I blame Frank.

Can you embed the Krusty the Clown flapping Dickie video and footnote it, “you will all be cancelled faster than Krusty the Clown’s Asian impression/flapping Dickie but”

*bit, not but

Welcome back Champs, chumps and losers. Sorry sleeves you would have beat everyone in the league except your husband. Sorry gowanus you would have had highest points if not for me. Always feels good week 1 getting a W against the king and queen of collusion. Also, sorry champ I couldn't make the golf outing for your coronation due to the 'video. Good luck the rest of the year leaguemates... just kidding go fuck yourselves.

Fuxking autocorrect

*covid fuck it send